terrible feelings

i cannot help it but feels realllllllllllllllyyyy guilty now!

wish i could turn back the time and alter the whole scenario into something that can satisfy everyone!

*sigh*

to whom it may concern:
1001 apologies......

i'm FREE!!

KAWAN-KAWAN,

nak hang out TOGETHER?

CAAAANNNN

from today till sunday (2/11)

i'm FREEE :)

CALL me ya

Wordless Wednesday - I didn't fall for you, You tripped me! Love you sweetheart!

Double Life...

Sometimes I feel like I live a double life. In one there I am the girlfriend. In the other I am the friend. And lately? I've been living almost exclusively in the girlfriend side of my double life. Which leaves the other side withering and dying, which is not cool.

But tonight I start to question and wonder why there has to be a double life, a double identity. Who said that I had to start a split life that never quite seems to mesh? Who is living my life, me or the people I'm trying to please? Well, as of right now, it's me. I am determined to nurse my ailing friendships that have gotten pushed to the side in favor of the girlfriend side of me. And I'm determined to keep the girlfriend side healthy and strong, but who said I have to choose one over the other? When did I stop living my own life and making my own decisions? It happened so subtly I didn't even notice it.

Well, as of right now, the double life no longer exists. They are merged. And whoever can't handle it or doesn't like it can get the hell out of my life. (yes, I admit that's a bit drastic and probably not true, but, it's nearly midnight and I'm still awake, please indulge the momentary drama) I'm going to start balancing my friendships and my relationship before my friendships disappear from lack of nurturing, and without withering my relationship. All it takes is a little bit of balance. And I have the determination to do it. All it took was the realization to realize that I am missed and that they care. I know, "the girl" was way shocked when I admitted that I had somehow convinced myself that I wasn't missed and wasn't needed. I see now how silly that is. And now more than ever I realize what wonderful, beautiful friends I have.

From now on the only double life I'll ever lead is that of a double agent (but don't worry, I doubt I'll ever be Sidney Bristow)


**disclaimer-the double life reference is figurative, not literal. I'm still the same me, I just feel like there are unnecessary and unhealthy splits on my focus and attention...hopefully that makes sense. It's late and I'm tired. Morning update: Had a great talk with mr tan hong ming, and he's on the same page. He understands how I'm feeling, and while he's protective of me in terms of completely blaming myself, he understands. I'm very hopeful, and already taking steps to equal things out and merge those two sides so they aren't at odds with each other.

i hate EXAM!!

hello people :)

am currently blogging directly from my mobile

its been way tooo long since i left this blog

FYI ppl, am now having my very 1st final trimester exam

no time to manje2 with the laptop

hopefully by sunday i'm able to blog everything back again

to all, please pray for me ya

for those yg asyik ajak kuar jln, shopping, lepak etc.

after 25th, gua banzai sampai lebam!!!!

so, catch you guys later~ XOXO!!!

Wordless Wednesday - Stinky Baby Get Washed :)

the best movie ever!!

This has to be one of the best movies I've ever seen. Mr Tan Hong Ming took me on an impromptu date last Monday (never too late to post it now), part of which was seeing this movie. I even leaned over during the movie and told him it was the best movie I'd ever seen. Yes, it's cheesy at points. Yes, it had me crying and I was laughing so hard at other points. I fell in love with ABBA music back in high school when A*Teens came out and redid a lot of their songs and mimicked their style. My mom loved ABBA, so she and I share that. I've loved Amanda Seyfried since her role in Veronica Mars. I think she was a perfect cast for this (of cause, admittedly having never seen the stage production) Meryl Streep, Pierce Brosnan and Colin Firth were all wonderful too, and so was the rest of the cast. I have to say, I love this trend of putting musicals to the big screen. I know that some people are completely against it, but it's made me fall even further in love with Broadway shows. And now I've fallen in love with Mamma Mia. I swear, I need to go to New York (finally).

Seriously, I will warn you that this one does get a little cheesy and possibly even over the top at times...but come on, it's a musical. It's a comedy. It was absolutely wonderful. Also? I want to visit Greece...even more than when I watched Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. Incidentally, I also want to see the newest movie of that. But really, though the first one was GREAT, read the books, they're even better...same with the newest version of Pride and Prejudice (the one with Keira Knightley), read the book, it's AMAZING. Need I say more? La-di-da....oh hey, there's my train of thought come round to pick me up. Mamma Mia was amazing. I can't wait for it to come out on dvd. I'm rather disappointed that my A*Teens cd is at home (Johor house) and not in my cd case down here.

Final aside, I've been kind of MIA in the blog world recently. School has been crazy and I've barely been home. We're all gearing up for the final trimester exam which denotes of hoping for the best result among other sems since this will be the benchmark for following. But I'm slowly catching up on my blog reader and will try to get back to posting more regularly.

indahnya RAYA :)

I'm back, and it's about time. I'm still on a "short" break, more and more resorting to the "mark all as read" button to get myself back on track. (if I miss something, please tell me, I really don't want to miss anything) I think that after this week I'll be able to get back to my regular blogging and blog reading. Needed to write and been feeling the need to post this week, but was struggling to get through my reader. I'm almost there...I'll be caught up by morning. I feel like I've been gone for so long. Naturally, I spent most of the raya days trying to figure out what my first post back was going to be about. Well, I've got one!!!

Normally once we've done with one celebration, we'll never stop talk about it. Sharing pictures, stories and more...As for me, i had an AWESOME holiday on raya. Went back to kampung and gathered together with uncles aunties and bunches of cuzzy makes me forget everything. All comes was a HAPPINESS!!! Makan ketupat 2 jam sekali sampai buncit perut =p aaahh seronok to the max!!These are some pictures on 1st, 2nd, and 3rd raya :) on 5th day of raya, kami dah balik KL back :( sungguh sedih.....